“They know me,” she says proudly when we sit down to
talk. “They remember who I am.”
As I meet and visit with people with memory loss, it is
apparent that there is great comfort in being deeply known. We all want to be known and remembered by the
people around us each day. We want to be
reminded that our lives have significance and meaning. We have things to
contribute.
If someone has lived to age 80, there is undoubtedly a myriad
of experiences that have happened----growing up, work, love, marriage,
history’s impact, beliefs, hobbies, friendships, lessons and much more. No one is the same. Every person has a unique
and fascinating life story.
So how do we know someone deeply? What is the key knowledge that matters?
Especially for people with Alzheimer’s Disease or other
forms of dementia, details matter. The biographical
facts of family matter, but, more importantly, the details of this person’s life
experience are critical information to know if possible. Ideally, if a person
is still living independently and remembering things well, that is the perfect
time to ensure the life story is recorded. Sometimes the family will have to
recall the story as best they can.
The life story is not a “nice to have” document – it is
essential to delivering quality. If memory loss begins and progresses, the
details of his or her life story would serve as the primary guide for service
and care. Here’s an example.
When Esther was a little girl, she had a horse named Slippers. She would ride Slippers and gather arrowheads
with her sister in the hills of Colorado.
To Esther, the word “Slippers” doesn’t mean something you wear on your
feet. In her mind, she hears that word
and her long-term memory takes her back in the hills again as an eight-year-old
girl on her favorite horse, Slippers.
Would it make a difference if you knew these details about Esther’s
life? How would it change your
relationship to her? What if you placed
an arrowhead in her hand and she smiled? What if you took time to look through
a book with pictures of horses? What if
you took a drive into the hills on a beautiful afternoon or visited a horse
farm or brought in saddles to touch? All
of these things would bring meaning to a woman who vividly remembers her
childhood, but lacks the ability to tell you what day of the week it is.
Esther’s story must be deeply known, by those around her, to
know what will bring meaning to her day. And that’s where the life story or
biography kicks in. In innovative organizations, the unique life story guides
the personalization of care and leads to the perfect kinds of “in the moment”
activities that are very simple but meaningful.
Today, you and Esther decided to sit down and look at a book of horse
pictures together, and you’ll remember
the way she pointed and smiled and laughed. It was remarkable how connected you
felt to each other. You’ll know it was just the perfect thing to do.
But it all starts with knowing
the life story. The details of each person’s unique past are the greatest way
to truly connect – a bridge to real, authentic engagement….and person-centered
care…and love. People with memory loss need to feel your love.
“They know me. They
remember who I am.”
Which really means… ”My life matters, and they love me.”
Which really means… ”My life matters, and they love me.”
___________________________________________________________________
Beth Sanders is Founder & CEO of LifeBio which serves
senior care and health care nationwide. LifeBio Health captures life stories
and promotes better health through reminiscence. For more information, email info@lifebio.com or call 937-303-4576. www.lifebio.com
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